Kicking Cancer

Prevention Through Healthy Living

Archive for the tag “cancer”

28 Nov 2012
20 Comments

Good Luck for Now

The radiation phase of my treatment is now complete.  Yeah!!!  I have been celebrating for days.

My skin looks great despite some tanning with minor reddening in the boost area and a now brown “splotch” caused by my negligence in hiking all day without proper protection over a portion of the site.  Although I was not as disciplined as I could have been, I applied lanolin twice per day as per the suggestion of the radiation oncology staff at the Center.  I also used a burn cream that I got from Pine Street Clinic that they miraculously obtain from Chinese hospitals (apparently difficult to get).

Radiation Therapy was a positive experience and I absolutely loved my team led by Doctor Francine Halberg.  I cried in my car reading their well wishes on my diploma after my last visit to the Center.  The people are exceptional.  Kind, genuine, diligent, precise, and even fun are but a few words to describe my team.  It seems like ages ago when Dr. Halberg told me that she wished I could have been a fly on the wall during the afternoon planning session when my surgeon, Dr. Leah Kelley assisted in the planning in order to pinpoint the location in my arm  pit area where, despite her diligent scraping, there may have been some microscopic cancer cells remaining.  I think my favorite day was in preparation for the boost (the area that would receive extra radiation since microscopic disease may have remained), the team left me lying on the table with my arm above my head for so long that the only response I could muster (since I could not move a millimeter) was to start giggling uncontrollably.  I had to think about despicable things in order to stop myself from laughing.  What I loved about the day so much was getting to meet and witness in action some of the players in the “behind the scenes” planning and laying out of my plan.  They are a brilliant, focused, creative and “top in their field” bunch and all of their busy-ness and adjustments, surrounding my corpse pose and the monstrous machine, gave me confidence that I was in the best hands possible. So……

A Year in Review:

December 29, 2011:  Nicole discovers odd lump on her right breast.

March 20, 2012:  After misdiagnosis by primary care doctor and ultrasound radiologists’ interpretation, the tumor was finally classified as cancerous by Dr. Ellen Mahoney.  Late March and early April filled with phone calls, appointments, and diagnostic testing including mammogram, MRI and PET CT scan.

April 20, 2012:  With skillful mapping and meticulous mastering of scalpels and clamps, Dr. Leah Kelley of Marin Cancer Institute removed the insanely large (~5 inch diameter!) tumor.

May – September 2012:  Adjuvant chemotherapy program overseen by the experienced, wise and loving Doctor David Gullion.   4 cycles of Adriamycin and Cytoxin (every other week) followed by weekly administration of Taxol and Herceptin.  (Herceptin is through the clinical trial, and will continue every three weeks through July 2013).  Riding my bike 300 miles in six days to my first appointment was definitely a highlight of this whole experience.  I will never forget the doctors and gang from the Center that joined me for the final 50 miles from Bodega to Fairfax!

October 15-November:  Daily Radiation (Monday through Friday) administered by the dream team described above – 30 doses.

November 2012 – November 2017:  Hormone Therapy is an important part of my adjuvant treatments, and at five years is longest lasting of my treatment protocols.  Tamoxifen is the pill I will take daily (at least I can be home for this one!!) Tamoxifen is a drug that blocks estrogen from binding to breast cancer cells (not all tumors are driven by estrogen, but mine was ER+ which stands for estrogen receptor positive and it just means that the receptors are present on the surface of cancer cells).

Which brings me to today!  Feeling so grateful to all involved on my multidisciplinary medical team.  These doctors in addition to the other doctors at the Center (they work much of the time as a team with a “tumor board  conference” every Tuesday and in the hallways of the center) have left me feeling like I have done everything possible from a medical standpoint to remove and destroy the cancerous cells in my body.  Trust in this team  has never once wavered and has made all of the difference in my attitude and positivity all the while.

And in an effort to not be on the computer all day, in a future post I will write about all of the OTHER things and people I am grateful for, namely my supportive husband, kids, extended family, so many friends, a broad community, including the Breast Health Project, my chinese medicine practitioners and teachers, and qi gong.

I will spend today enjoying the beautiful and bountiful rainfall, organizing my stuff, packing, and cooking a big celebration meal (Indian food I think!).  Tonight I see Tosca (SF Opera) with my sister and tomorrow morning early I will brave the storm, driving home to my beloved family in time for Nutcracker rehearsal and cookie baking.  Not to sound cliché, but LIFE IS GOOD (for me, right now).  There has been so much suffering in my community as of late and it reminds me that suffering is universal and also a part of this thing we call life —these instances can’t really be compared, they all suck (for lack of trying for a better word).  Cancer, severe injury, disability, depression, unfathomable loss, and even more global issues and concerns like famine, habitat loss, war, the list goes on.

For some reason it reminds me of the Good Luck Bad Luck story that I love so I will post it here.

I wish all of you good luck and many blessings today!

Good Luck Bad Luck!

There is a Chinese story of a farmer who used an old horse to till his fields. One day, the horse escaped into the hills and when the farmer’s neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, “Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?” A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was, “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?”

Then, when the farmer’s son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, “Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?”

Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer’s son with his broken leg, they let him off. Now was that good luck or bad luck?

Who knows?

Author Unknown

 

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Posted in Post Cycling Trip/ Chemotherapy, Six Weeks of Radiation and tagged , , , , , ,
23 Jun 2012
26 Comments

Cancer Patient

I never thought I’d do this on my blog, but here is Pollyana in the dumps….

I feel like a cancer patient.  I suppose I am and have been since March, but now I really feel like it and look the part.

Asher and I just before going for a bicycle ride

I have no intention of quitting chemotherapy, but I can see why people decide to and I barely have horrible side effects.  The cancer does not make me sick right now, it is the medicine making me sick…..and some people become willing to take the chance with the cancer.  Well, not I.  I will endure, but it is a big pain (I am grateful at the same time!)   I have minimal fatigue, no mouth sores, very little and quite manageable nausea , no skin issues.  Yes, I lost my hair, but that does not phase me so much.  For me it is mostly about how I feel, and if I can do the day to day with my family.

The main thing for me, is being a mom of young children and being susceptible to illness like a common head cold and not having the faculties to defend it within my body.  My daughter has a fever hovering around 100 degrees and a head cold, and I have taken to wearing a mask in our home.  I am extremely low energy and just trying to do the bare minimum.  I have canceled most weekend plans (save a small birthday celebration for Taylor if we can!!) and feel sad to miss out on life with the healthy and vibrant.   I have been tired since chemotherapy on Monday morning and have been fending off germs since.  I went to Eureka Internal Medicine on Tuesday for my white blood cell booster–Nuelasta.  Without that I am sure I would have succumbed.

As far as the mask-the most dramatic new addition to our family life…..Taylor is OK with it as long as I only wear it at home she has clearly stated.  Her and Asher each decorated one  with pens and a sticker while I was on a ride.  Asher thinks it is a game and that I am pretending to be James, a friend and the man who mows lawns in our neighborhood.  He loves it, but wants me to talk in a deep voice and push a basket around that he calls my mower.  When we were reading tonight before bed he kept telling me to talk in James’ deep voice.  It will either shift or he will become frustrated.  We will see!

That is not to say that life has not been great in many ways.  I had a great time with my sister’s family in Marin.  I flew down on stand-by with a friend’s buddy pass.  I played bananagrams with my niece Samantha during the infusion and had a Jin Shin Jyutsu session with Corliss at the Marin Cancer Institute.   I spent the day laying around their house and went for a few nice bicycle rises through my sister’s neighborhood on my nieces bike.

My niece Samantha keeps my spirits high with bananagrams at chemotherapy infusion #3

My family picked me up at the airport on Tuesday morning and we’ve enjoyed time in the front yard and on the couch doing various projects from building with blocks, to making a scrapbook.  We are reading Charlotte’s Web.  Solstice was a beautiful day and we made it to a T ball picnic where Taylor received her first trophy.  Taylor was in a ballet camp this week which was great fun, but she did need to miss the last two days due to her getting sick.  We are hoping to celebrate her sixth birthday this weekend (to be determined Saturday) and made a cake today, but it may be one for the freezer and another time.  It was tough for Taylor to not be able to lick the beater/spoon/bowl…a traditional treat when birthday cake making normally, but with a fever, cold and cold sore…..a no go today.

I enjoyed acupuncture with Jessica Baker at Jade Dragon Medical Spa on Tuesday and Qigong with Zena Bardelas of Misty Mountain Healing Arts Wednesday and Friday.  Soon I hope to write a post on the amazing benefits these treatments bring my mind, body, and spirit during this time.  It is life saving and I look forward to these sessions more than anything right now.

Some very lovely meals have come my family’s way Monday and Friday of this week.  Due to our health status we did not get to see the cheery, beautiful family who brought food tonight, but when I opened the door to retrieve it I burst into tears (what a raw state I am in).  Beautiful garden flowers tied with a ribbon, handmade signs from their family to ours, and a gorgeous meal obviously made with love.  We really did a number on it.  We were ravenous.  Thanks everyone for the offers of help, the help, the forgiveness and understanding, the music CD, the hello in the bookstore, the money you slipped my husband, the well wishes.  You are all paying it forward and I shall too someday!

My rides at home have been mellow.  These past few days I have taken to riding very slowly sans trailer as to conserve energy.  I mostly just zig zag through my own neighborhood, and am bundled up warm with scarves, gloves,  and wool clothes.  If you saw me, last night you would have seen me sipping Magic Mineral Broth  throughout my ride, and the past few nights you may have seen my eyes fill with tears while I ride.  It is not such a bad thing to let the emotions come.  It is a lovely time of night for me to do some thinking and process the day.  It is not easy having cancer and being on chemotherapy.

I maintain that my riding is one of the healthiest activities I engage in right now.  Leaving my house with germs and a sick child feels so good and it is something I may not do daily if I had not made this commitment.  Fresh air and a bit of body movement–I go so slow some days I don’t really call it exercise.  There may come a day when I do not actually have the energy to do my daily ride, and that will be fine, but until then, you will see me out there riding at least that one mile through my neighborhood, albeit slowly, slowly and bundled in warm clothes with hot liquids in hand.

With Taylor about to turn six, we spent much of today reviewing the big fat book we splurged on making on our mac last year for her fifth which contains memories in pictures of her first five years.   I can’t help but to look at the pictures of our family in which we look young, radiant, and healthy.  And the thought that comes to mind is…..was I really thinking I was out of shape/hair looked funny/life was not good enough.  Was I really wanting more?  Geez.  If only life were like that time again!!  I am sure it will be soon enough, and I hope I will be more thankful for every minute.

Rejoice and live it up if you are reading this and have abundant health and a healthy family!

A blue heron on my ride two days ago reminded me of the blue heron I saw at the marsh a few days before my daughter’s birth.  I really wanted to invoke the grace of this beautiful bird during my labor.   Now it served to remind me of the ups and downs of life, the joys, the sorrows, the achievements and struggles.  As I go to sleep tonight I will find the smells and sensations that were present in my home when my babies were born, the immense joy and great fortune I felt on my wedding day.  It will bring me solace.

At grandma and papa’s in 2009

Hiking Na Pali Coast in December 2010

Laying low with the kids

Posted in Pedaling Each Day, Post Cycling Trip/ Chemotherapy and tagged , , ,
14 Jun 2012
7 Comments

Pollyanna Gets Cancer

I think the reason I have not written as of late is the lack of time now that my five year old is out of school for summer (yeah!), coupled with the lack of desire to be in front of the computer screen for a prolonged amount of time,  but it is also just complex to write about my current experience.

There is just so much to say and many directions to take.  I want to mention all of the ideas I have for more fundraising, great books I am reading, discuss food as an important healer and as cancer prevention, chronicle my daily bicycle adventures, among other things, but we will see what direction this post takes during the time I have to devote.

I am in an interesting position of being positive out of necessity and natural tendency, but I certainly do not love what I am going through.   I recently spent some time with a friend who has been reading my blog and thinking “I wonder how she is really feeling?”  We laughed, and I love that she told me this because I had been plotting that the next time I write on my blog I wanted to clarify a bit.  That last posting made it almost seem like I enjoyed the chemotherapy which is far from the truth.  You probably knew that, but I just want to be sure.

For instance, I love the video Garrett put together of my infusion day, and I enjoyed the day because I saw the beauty that was available, enjoying good company, good health, good food, many privileges,etc.  But at the same time I am sad at what I am needing to endure right now, what my children, and entire family are needing to endure.  But again, the Pollyanna in me jumps right in and says, “but think of all the strength and lessons they are receiving!”  It is indeed my natural tendency to find the good.  I have always had a difficult time negatively criticizing a movie, book, or person because I always find the redeeming qualities.   I am fortunate in this, I know.  I can’t imagine being any other way and feel very lucky to be graced with this attitude, especially now that I am faced with a crisis.  It is really paying off.

But I see the photograph of the Adriamycin (a.k.a. Red Devil) going into my arm and makes me a little sick to my stomach.  It is something that I will put behind me as quickly as it approached that is for sure.  Each session is a check off the calendar as far as I am concerned, and this year is going to fly by, my family’s life being pulled from our roots, defined (to a certain extent as much as I battle it) and organized by these 16 infusion sessions.  And then there will be the month and a half of daily radiation.  But one of my lessons I am sure I mentioned early on is taking each day as it comes and not thinking about the future, unless it is simply about the awesome long life I am going to live, or the San Juan Island Marathon I want to run next year.  My dear friend Sharon just ran the half marathon this year in my honor, and sent me the medal which brought me great joy.

The gist is this:  I find the positive and choose to write about the positive and inspiring.  I do not want to dwell on the yucky or sad parts.  Don’t get me wrong, I take my sadness as it comes (usually on day 6 after chemotherapy for some reason), honor it,  and process it in a healthful way.  I am not in denial about my situation or stuffing emotions down (that would be creating a terrain for cancer after all).  It just is what it is, no sense in making it worse by hiding under my bed, freaking out, or complaining daily.  Anyone with children knows how much worse my life would be if I did not remain calm, cool, and collected right now.  My kids would be taking it on (likely for life in some ways), acting out in odd ways now–who knows maybe sleepless nights and bedwetting??  Things could really snowball it seems, and I personally do not even want to see what that would look like.

Speaking of raising kids and teaching them “how to be in the world” by being an example.  I want to make sure you all know about Brene Brown who is a “shame and vulnerability” researcher.  Read her blog or listen to her TED talks for more info.  She is incredibly inspiring and worth “following” if you do that sort of thing.    Anyway, this is from one of her books, Daring Greatly.

Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.

If we want to teach our chilldren to dare greatly in this “never enough” culture, the question isn’t so much “Are you parenting the right way?” as it is: “Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?”.  

Well, I am not exactly the adult I want my children to be (we all have our issues), but I am close and this quote resonates with me.  If my children can glean from our cancer experience a positive way to feel about themselves in the form of high self-esteem, not stare or make fun of a person with only one, or no breast or other body part, or hair, face an illness head on with strength, the ability to receive from others, the ability to find beauty and see things in a positive light, learn how to be in a supportive, loving relationship, the list goes on and on….I will have succeeded and taken the best this experience has to offer.

I will close with this thought…..

I love what another blogger chemobabe says which in a nutshell is that no, cancer is not a gift (people have a tendency to say “oh, I hear it is a gift in many ways”) and chemobabe writes an insightful post saying nope, it is not a gift.  Maybe there are gifts to be found that come as a result of the experience, but the cancer itself is not a gift.  To some it is just semantics, but I get what she is saying 100% and think it is important that we see words as powerful and frame things properly.

Cancer is not a gift to me either, and I would not wish it upon my worst enemy (not that I have any enemies).

Posted in Musings, Post Cycling Trip/ Chemotherapy and tagged , , , ,
03 Jun 2012

Day 3 Pedaling Each Day

Heading off to Chemotherapy in 20 minutes with my good friend Rhonda Weidenbeck of Beck’s Bakery, a hot new bread bakery in Arcata…well, about to be up and running.  The equipment is rolling in, and she is shooting for August 2012.   Locals, watch for her loaves on the shelves!  We’ve been friends for a long time so I have witnessed the evolution of her bread baking, and just general awesomeness in all arenas (knitting, gardening, raising chickens, cooking, etc).

This girl has many interests, researches every nook and cranny of making bread and geeks out on the science behind it all too which is fun.  Rhonda has been in our book club, the Brainy Book Babes (B cubed) for ten or so years and we have all had our share of her delicious bread.  I am looking forward to the 5 hour drive south with her, and then of course, north tomorrow afternoon.  These long drives with a friend certainly contributed toward the appeal of traveling out of the area for my chemotherapy treatments.

Back home after our two mile ride.

Today’s Pedaling Each Day ride was about two miles.  The whole family joined me.  Taylor is getting a bit big for the trailer so I am not sure how much longer this will work, but for now both kids love it and it enables me to share my ‘riding for a cause’ with them.

I best finish packing for chemo.  More from the front-line tomorrow.  I’m bringing the ipad!

Posted in Pedaling Each Day, Post Cycling Trip/ Chemotherapy and tagged , , | Leave a Comment
23 May 2012
10 Comments

Who Was That Woman?

I am not quite sure who that woman was who took to sleeping with her cycling gear next to her so it would be appealing enough to slip on first thing in the cold morning air. It tended to get me out of camp faster so became a habit. Who was that woman who waved goodbye to her adorable family every morning for six days in order to bicycle that 320 miles to my first chemotherapy appointment? Who braved the narrow shoulder, particularly when there were speeding cars and a steep cliff on the other side? Who pedaled those steep and unexpected climbs after already cycling forty miles on Day 5? And then pedaled another 11 into camp after desperately fueling up on energy bars at gas station in Jenner? Who cycled past this cow and her eight friends?

Not what you want to run into when you are cycling down the coast….

Part of it was just little ol’ me as I have always enjoyed being active and pushing physical and emotional limits, but I also believe I was accompanied by a divine force that I have had along with me since my diagnosis in March, a bit even since I discovered the hardened region that turned out to be the tumor. It is difficult to explain, but my close friends have seen it and inquired about it — a sort of fierceness, grace, tremendous will, and determination that is a bit over-the-top of the pre-tumor Nicole. So, apparently this happens sometimes. It sometimes takes getting a disease like cancer to awaken in this way (others are in a different place and can get here without a disease jump starting them–I suppose it is karma and just where we are all at). We will see how long it lasts and where it takes me.

Thank you to my wonderful sponsors all of which can be viewed and linked to on the sponsor page! They all made the trip possible in some way and I am honored and indebted. A particular huge thanks to our friends Amy and Steve at Alchemy Construction who graciously paid for all of the ‘Night-Night Bus’ gas, camping in State Parks, meals out, and a few necessary supplies. Also Jeff at GoPro camera which enabled us to virtually bring you all along on the adventure flawlessly and provided a lot of fun for us gear geeks. Garrett and I needed to take turns with the GoPro camera and sometimes it was hard to hand it over. Jennifer at Adventure’s Edge provided me an awesome kit to sport, along with a few other cycling related supplies. I loved the wind proof vest–it was essential to keeping my core and neck warm and protected on the coast.

Also a huge thanks to all of my supportive and loving friends and community who provided me with broth and juice to power me during those six days. I think I am the only cyclist ever to carry around two glass Ball jars in my handle bar bag at all times. All of it was delicious–it certainly carried me through the trip. Also thanks for all of the little tokens–I am likely one of the few cyclists carrying around rocks and crystals too, and sprinkling wildflower seeds along the roadside (fun idea, Cheri)!

Last but not least….my pit crew! My helmet is off to them. They kept my spirits high and everything in order. Before the trip Garrett tuned up my bike that had been collecting dust in the garage, got me bomber tires (I did not get one single flat! See, divine force was along the ride). Garrett kept things orderly, washed dishes, did laundry, shopped for supplies, parented all day every day, prepared meals, pumped my tires, walked our dog, made videos late into the evening, powered through technical troubles…the list goes on and on and I could not have done this without him!

Posted in Musings, Post Cycling Trip/ Chemotherapy and tagged , , , , , , ,
22 May 2012
14 Comments

Video Footage

Finally….a video capturing highlights of Days 4 and 5….

These videos were made on the road using iMovie on an iPad with a GoPro Hero2 camera.


The Coast, part 1 music is Half Moon by Blind Pilot (without permission once again). Please buy their music if you like it!

The Coast, part 2 Continued music is Casimir Polanski Day by Sufjan Stevens.

The poem was read by Nicole and was written by Jane Kenyon as mentioned in a previous post. It reminds me to live every moment in awe and gratefulness!

Posted in The Journey and tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
18 May 2012
45 Comments

The First Three Days… Awesome to Say the Least

Lunch and rest in Garberville set me up for smooth sailing into Leggett just in time for dinner at The Peg House with my family. Local grassed beef burgers and wild line caught salmon hit the spot! Never Don’t Stop.

Two big climbs over Hwy 1 to the coast were killer, but felt great. I was in a zone. I met the family for a picnic between climbs as they happened to catch up with me right in front of a great picnic area. The wind has picked up here on the coast, but it is mostly at my back.

Camped last night at the sand dunes of MacKerricher State Park as planned, and today head for Point Arena.

The first two days we were out of cell range so had no network coverage, but we intend to post more frequently when we are able.

Thinking today of a few awesome sponsors…..Adventure’s Edge, GoPro, and Alchemy Construction. The trip so far has been better than could have been imagined thanks to these generous donors. Also, my cousin Margaret who works at Apple, made it possible for us to have an iPad which enabled us to put this video together of our first three days. Enjoy!

Before the ride started I had already raised $536 for the Center for Integrative Health and Wellness, and I am uncertain about the Breast Health Project, but now that I am in cell range I will see what we have raised so far and keep you all informed.

Music by the beautiful Katie Herzig (currently without permission, but if you like her music buy some and maybe she won’t be mad at me)

Posted in The Journey and tagged , , , , , , , ,
16 May 2012
24 Comments

Loving the Road and Encounters

Day 2 and I just limped into Garberville with sore feet and out of water.

Highlights of day 1….

The send off at my home…about 20 friends, delivering juice, broth,wisdom, hugs, and coloring books for the kids.  A handful rode the street with me, some dropped off in Arcata and others rode me to Eureka.  My friend Denise rode with me through town and I must say it was surreal to say goodbye to the last of my supporters!  To be honest though, I have not felt alone once on this journey thus far.

Loleta Bakery.  My first stop.  I met Barney, a 78 year old cyclist who does this route regularly!  Very inspiring.  He was accompanied by two women, one a survivor, the other has a mother with breast cancer.

My delicious lunch was on the house. Jeannie blew me away with her generosity and spirit.  She offered to drive me home from chemotherapy if I did not have a ride.  Her family, too, has been touched by cancer…a member of her family is another survivor who has been rockin’ it for twenty years.

The Avenue of the Giants along the Eel River was beautiful.    I took it slow to Burlington, a Redwood State Park campground just outside of Weott.

The family arrived in the Night-Night bus and we played, enjoyed dinner, and slept great.

Day 2 I continued along the ‘scenic alternative’ to Highhway 101, Avenue of the Giants.  Rolled through the small towns of Miranda and Phillipsville, Redway and now in Garberville.  I just left Chataqua Natural Foods where I met Katie and Nancy….two awesome women (more on Nancy later).

Thanks for all the shout outs, honks (they seem in support not “get out of my way”).  Thanks to the lovely woman in Miranda on the Sportster who had read about me in the Times-Standard, and the Coors truck driver who had also read the article and told me he is leaving soon for Puerto Rico to support his sister with cancer.  So often we are too shy to say hello to someone and tell them we admire them, but let’s do it more often…it just might make their day.

Garrett picked up the ipad today so we should be able to post tonight if we find a hot spot.  Today I ride to Leggett (60 mile day) and tomorrow I cut over Highway 1, the big climb to the coast.

Lots of love, Nicole

Posted in The Journey and tagged , , , , , , , ,
09 May 2012
7 Comments

Otherwise

I love this poem by Jane Kenyon who died of leukemia in 1995.

“Otherwise”

I got out of bed
on two strong legs.
It might have been
otherwise. I ate
cereal, sweet
milk, ripe, flawless
peach. It might
have been otherwise.
I took the dog uphill
to the birch wood.
All morning I did
the work I love.

At noon I lay down
with my mate. It might
have been otherwise.
We ate dinner together
at a table with silver
candlesticks. It might
have been otherwise.
I slept in a bed
in a room with paintings
on the walls, and
planned another day
just like this day.
But one day, I know,
it will be otherwise.

This poem strikes a cord with me because it is exactly why I am doing this big ride to Marin. I have the strength and ability now, and one day, it may be otherwise.  (Thanks Jennifer for sharing the poem).

Today, thoughts of chemotherapy and how it will effect my world.  I read my kids several children’s books about mommy’s hair falling out, and otherwise being sick or tired from chemotherapy and radiation.  We had a lovely time in the sun making sun tea with lemon balm, rose petals, and borage flowers.  We decided that if my hair does indeed fall out that we will leave it in the backyard for the birds to line their nests with.

Finished the day with acupuncture and a long walk home.  Feelin’ great.

Garrett picked up my riding gear today, much of it donated by Adventure’s Edge….the coolest gear shop in Arcata.  In fact…the bike I will be riding to Marin, Jeff of Adventures Edge helped me to build with my very own hands seven years ago (Pre-kids obviously.  Who has time to build a bicycle with little kids on the scene?).  I remember how fun it was to “lace up” the wheel.  It was a great experience to build a bike,  an opportunity I hope to have again.

The GoPro video camera (graciously donated by Jeff Hopkins of GoPro) arrived which will be strapped onto my helmet for much of the ride.  Look forward to interviews, Nada family silliness, and beautiful scenery of the Humboldt redwood forest and Mendocino Coast.

Also today a generous donation arrived from local specialists in green building, Alchemy Construction, and now we’ll be able to rent the RV we were debating.  It will make it so much more fun for Garrett and the kids, not to mention more comfortable than a thermorest in the tent after a long day riding.  Thanks Amy and Steve for your support, enthusiasm, and generosity.

My one and only training ride will be Thursday morning with my good friend Tera (Tera and I cycle toured over the Continental Divide from Salmon River, Idaho to Bozeman,Montana in 2005).  I am a little rusty, having not been on my bike in a while, but I will take it easy, and be attentive to the needs of my recovering chest muscle and, of course, my arm which is at risk for swelling from potential lymphedema (due to the 18 lymph nodes removed at time of surgery).

Sounds crazy?  Don’t forget, I will have my sag wagon (family and RV) available if necessary.  I promise I won’t be foolish out there.  If you haven’t guessed it already, my number one goal is taking care of myself.  (I’m writing this for my grandmother, Oma, who I am sure is reading and thinking, WHAT is she doing????)

Be well.

Posted in Musings and tagged , , , ,
04 May 2012
8 Comments

Crazy Sexy Cancer

Why, when we are challenged to survive, do we give ourselves permission to truly live?

This is the question sprawled across the banner at Kris Carr’s website Crazy Sexy Cancer.  This is a girl after my own heart.  I will be buying all three of her books and  the film DVD (check out the trailer–it looks great!).   In 2003 she was diagnosed with a rare and incurable cancer and weeks later she began filming her story.  The story is about her travels and experience seeking experimental treatment as it was her only option, in addition to stories of four other young women she meets. She also has a blog, Crazy Sexy Life.  She looks like she is rockin’ it. Check it out. I am inspired!

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