Kicking Cancer

Prevention Through Healthy Living

Archive for the category “Musings”

29 Jan 2013
8 Comments

Nourish Thy Temple

I just wrote the following for the Humboldt Community Breast Health Project newsletter (coming out soon!) and thought I would share it here too since it has been a while since I posted.  Update on the cancer treatment front….still Herceptin (targeted therapy chemo drug) every three weeks through mid-July.    I have an Echocardiogram next week to check my heart and make sure it is functioning properly (the big side effect concerns heart function, so I get checked every three months, but so far my heart has been fine)….all is golden and I feel 150%.  Continuing qi gong with Misty Mountain Healing Arts and mild exercise….walking, jogging, cycling, and chinese/western medicine herb blend four times per day.  Sadly, one who had cancer is not told “Your cancer is gone” after treatment, one only goes into “remission” or NED (No evidence of disease).  So that is my current status and I will always consider my diet (including herbs) and exercise my treatment and best health insurance.

Aahhhhh.  Where to begin?  Well, for starters, I am a Stage 3 breast cancer survivor.  I was diagnosed in March 2012 and proceeded with conventional treatment including an immediate mastectomy, a summer of chemotherapy, six weeks of radiation, and now, a nightly dose of the estrogen blocker Tamoxifen.

I am the mother of two small children, ages 3 and 6, and a lover of the world and being alive.  Despite my propensity toward herbs and natural healing modalities I feel that this conventional treatment was necessary even though these conventional western healing medicines were invasive and toxic.

My approach was to not only succumb to, but to embrace these procedures and medicines, but to heal my body simultaneously with chinese herbs, mushroom tinctures, homeopathy, qi gong (internal and external), acupuncture, aromatherapy, long hot baths, dry brushing my skin, plenty of mild exercise (biking and hiking), improving my emotional health, and consuming a diet which eliminated sugar and dairy, and boosted vegetable intake particularly from the Brassica family and leeks, garlic, and onions.  I juiced, and made nourishing soups.

I believe that this “side work” I was engaged in helped me to feel in control and of positive mind set.  In the end I can honestly say that I “sailed” through the year with only minor issues.  Being in harmony with what was happening with my body and mind was key.

Although quite regimented, it was quite a year to say the least.  This self care regimen required discipline, will, and commitment.  I do not, however, want this article to be about me and details of my process, but instead to offer some basic inspiration to the reader who may have been recently diagnosed, is currently in treatment, other survivors, caretakers, and simply people who wish to minimize their risks of developing a cancer, or catching a problem before it developes into disease.

In April 2012 I was interviewed by Micheal Dronkers of KHUM radio and I will always remember him asking if I felt I had recieved what he termed “random cancer”.    I was, after all, a healthy and active 42 year old woman who has limited stress and eats all organic, healthy food.  At the time I said that yes, it was sure enough Random Cancer, but after nearly a year of research and intensive self-care I realize that, although I do not blame myself for causing my cancer, I can see how a tumor could have formed.  We all have areas for improvement!

My goal is to not let it ever happen again, so I carry my newly learned self-care skills and altered life style forward into my awesome life.  I am so happy to be alive and get this chance!

Obviously few of us know how or why our cancer originated and proliferated to the point of disease.  Cancer, which is basically just the abnormal growth and proliferation of cells, has been around for centuries (the first documented case was in 1500 B.C. and was depicted by drawings on papyrus of tumors in a breast).  It is likely a result of multiple factors, including environmental.

Basically, Prevention is the Cure, and it boils down to self-care.  Nourish your body, mind and spirit with positive thinking or a meditation practice, yoga, qi gong, swim, walk, read or write poetry, spend time in nature, pray to your god(s), work with angels, heal relationships, keep powerful emotions such as fear and worry in check, clear clutter from your physical and emotional lives. The list goes on and on because each one of us is different.  When we are living in grace and harmony with our path our bodies feel good.  That means less cortisol and harmful hormones floating around in our bodies, and better function of all of your organs, among other great benefits.  Tumors are formed as a result of stuck qi or energy.  We need to lubricate and jiggle, laugh much and breathe deeply to keep the energy flowing in order to not create blockages.  There is much to be said here, but for every individual the path will be unique….find yours!  Blessings.

A few recent photos.

Asher and Mommy on a date.

Asher and Mommy on a date.

The Nada family enjoying Mount Hood

The Nada family enjoying Mount Hood

Taylor and Mommy knitting on Christmas morning

Taylor and Mommy knitting on Christmas morning

See your dish? They are all washed and on my porch. Thanks for all the dinners everyone. My family will never forget all that LOVE and goodness!

See your dish? They are all washed and on my porch. Thanks for all the dinners everyone. My family will never forget all that LOVE and goodness!

 

Posted in Cancer Survivor, Musings and tagged , , , , , ,
02 Nov 2012
8 Comments

Radiation Therapy In a Nutshell (Through the Eyes of Nicole)

This post was going to be called Radiation Therapy 101, but I decided I do not know enough about it to offer even a rudimentary discourse.  Instead I will shed a bit of insight as I know it today.

The goal of radiation therapy as used for a cancer patient is to direct the beams in areas in order to damage the DNA of cells rendering them useless.  Radiation is the third step in the  hopeful eradication of the cancerous tumor that once inhabited my body.  (Step 1 as you may recall was surgery (mastectomy) and Step 2 was four chemotherapy medicines (AC followed by Taxol and targeted therapy Herceptin)).

Normal/healthy cells have an ability to repair the DNA sequences due to a biological mechanism that they normally possess (miracle of life!), whereas cancer cells do not have the ability to repair these mixed up base pairs (remember genetics/biology way back when?)  After all, if the cancer cells did contain these repair mechanisms, they would have fixed the DNA before they went rogue, hence, would never have become what we refer to as cancerous.

Radiation planning is quite intensive.  I have seen the films of my torso in which the planning was based.   A CT scan provided the planning “scape” as I will call it.  The location and size of tumor (including the region where surgeon Dr. Leah Kelly was not able to get a clean margin during tumor removal due to the closeness of the skin layer) dictate where the radiation beams will need to penetrate.  During the planning the team of doctors and physicists determine a custom treatment protocol  that takes into account the vital organs (yeah, team!  thank you for considering my heart and lungs important).

As mentioned in a previous post, I lay on the table with my head and arm cradled in the Nicole Nada mold and I am lined up with green laser beams and tattoos in order to be in the exact position every time.  My plan includes 3 different fields (angles direct from above and “tangentials”) and one sliver bordering my right lung gets a special treatment referred to as electrons which act on a level a bit  more superficial (as to not get down as deep as my lung).  Every other day a bolus is placed on my chest for all fields except the electron field.  The bolus is made of a material that has properties equivalent to tissue when irradiated and the purpose is to modify the dose at skin surface and at depth.  In other words, the bolus acts as “pretend tissue” and using it every other day allows the beams to penetrate differently and to a different depth.  It is all part of the planning and each and every little “trick” used during my sessions makes me feel like I am in excellent hands.  The handful of technicians that I see daily are very friendly, interesting, and fortunately have good music taste.  They always offer a warmed blanket which, coupled with my hospital robe, makes me feel like I am at a spa.  (ha ha)

I completed radiation number 12 (out of thirty something) this morning and am heading north to Arcata in moments to be home with my family for the weekend.

Enjoy your weekend, I will certainly enjoy mine!

Posted in Musings, Six Weeks of Radiation and tagged ,
18 Oct 2012
11 Comments

A Girl and Her Dog

Driving from Arcata a few days back, I turned and saw my bicycle gear and yoga mat propped on the back seat and beyond that my panting dog, and I could not help but to think of my arrival in Arcata 15 years ago.  I was in the Coop parking lot with my little blue CRX loaded with my bike, yoga mat, a whitewater kayak, a beat up old guitar that I could only play a few chords on, and my awesome sidekick, a golden retriever named Vista.   I had gotten a job at the Coop’s bakery counter and was checking on Vista (who traditionally hung in the car in the parking lot) when a customer walked by and said “I love it!  Just a girl and her dog.  This looks like the LIFE!” as he perused the contents of my loaded down car.  For some reason I always remember that and I felt pretty proud of what I was creating for myself.  Some people would not have wanted my life, but I loved it, and at twenty-five I felt like everything was falling into place.  I had found my new town a few months before on a weekend visit to Arcata with raft guide buddies, Mitch and Gray. I fell in love with the beauty and remoteness of the area, the idea of no traffic, no bridge toll, a place I might be able to someday afford to buy a house perhaps.  I had thirty-five dollars to my name when I moved from Marin to Arcata (I had been working/volunteering as a poor, but very happy raft guide for years and was a student at San Francisco State), and my CRX was on the verge of breakdown (leaky oil gasket that resulted in huge billowy clouds of black smoke), but I had found a place to live on the dunes with a trail to the beach, and a super cool roommate, Billie, who is still (lucky dog) a raft guide on the Grand Canyon in the summer.

A few days ago I left my family for six weeks of radiation in Marin.  Just me and my dog, Honu (and bike and yoga mat, but no whitewater boat).    It was truly heart wrenching and after being a blubbering mess from Arcata to Eureka, I pulled myself together and was reminded in a flash that there will be a certain freedom that I can look forward to and embrace while on this journey.  I am heading south this time instead of north, and this time it is only for six/seven weeks, not an unknown or an eternity.   My life is much different now.   I have a loving husband and two beautiful children, and I am a business owner of a cool little business right down the street from that Coop parking lot.   And oh yeah…I had cancer from which I am recovering.  The community that has become mine over these past fifteen years is a huge support in my healing from cancer journey ….local businesses and individuals raising money toward my cause and supporting me emotionally, with meals for my family, kind words, wisdom, etc. So much has come my way and I feel so fortunate to be a part of this community.

Radiation starts in an hour.  I met the machine a few days back.  I have three or four little dot tattoos (permanent, as in forever) on my body that need to be all lined up with lasers and tape measures as I lay on a foam pad that was molded to my head and arm a few weeks ago.  This is how the technicians ensure they radiate the exact same spot every time.  Here is the machine. I laid in it while Mamba music played and I stared above at the coral/fish scene fluorescent light covers.

State-of-the-art Linear Accelerator…the radiation machine.  Also, my “mold” which cradles my head and my right arm in a raised position.

In changing room before radiation dry run. I’ll put this robe on at three p.m. every week day for fifteen minutes or so under the machine, then free to go home.

So, I am terribly sad to not be with my husband and children, but I look forward to the adventure and time I will spend with my sister and her family, and some friends, and my dog.

I was at Cafe Brio one day in the thick of it–tired, starving kids on a sugar crash after an overwhelming birthday party and I heard a woman at the coffee bar talking about how she could not figure out what to do that day because she had already done all of her shopping, folded her laundry, cleaned her whole house, and had no clients that day.  She even had already exercised!  I felt like handing over my kids.  I think of her periodically, and she comes to mind now while I am in Marin because I can be just like her.  Hmmm.  What shall I do today?

I started today with a three hour hike in my favorite Marin watershed…Mount Tamalpias.  Including the Yolanda Trail which I had hiked the day before my mastectomy.  Then, a cool thing happened…I ran into my surgeon (a lovely woman!) on a morning run at the base of the mountain.

Off to radiation number one.  I will let you know how it is going.

Posted in Musings, Six Weeks of Radiation and tagged , , , ,
01 Oct 2012
9 Comments

In Order to Live Well Today

It’s hard to believe I just finished chemotherapy infusion number 15.  One to go.

Today I returned home from chemotherapy in Marin to my daughter telling me that they lit a peace candle at school for three women and a dog who were hit by a car while on an early morning run.  Later that day I found out that I know one of the women…a vibrant, wonderful woman, a mother, and Montessori school teacher in our community.  She suffered major injuries and is in the hospital along with another of the women.  Sadly, the third woman, a mother of two, a wife, and a lecturer at Humboldt State University was killed.  So tragic that I can’t quite wrap my brain around it.

Since my diagnosis in March, I have been majorly wrapped up (mind, body, and spirit) in my cancer, a disease that is potentially life threatening.  While I try to keep it at bay, I sometimes have the thought that someday the disease could take my life, but for now I am fortunate to be alive, having the gift and honor of being a mom each day and night, even if I am in Marin, saying goodnight to my husband and kids on speaker phone.  Being a mom is clearly the most important part of me, and from what I have heard about the woman who was killed in this tragedy…it was the most important part of her.  Emotions surrounding my cancer have taken second fiddle.  I hear she was the most dedicated and loving of moms and the nicest woman around.  I am so sad for the loss that her family is suffering.  My heart aches and I am reminded to live and love each and every day as if it could be my last.

I watched a video few nights back on curing cancer naturally.   One sentiment that stands out to me from the movie is the following:  Whatever you are doing for your healing (yoga, diet, qi gong, acupuncture, herbs, homeopathic medicine, exercise, prayer, etc)… Don’t do it in order to “not die”…..do it in order to live well today.

I was happy to come across this because lately when I perform my healing regimens in order to “not die” or to “fight for life” it feels desperate or manic a bit.  With an underlying fear to boot.

So, now I come at my healing regimen with more peace and calm.

As the summer wraps up, I certainly have been busy living well each day and feel so blessed and fortunate.

I hope you are living well each day too–with all of the crazy and wonderful things life throws your way.

Epic Mount Tam hike with friends (Phoenix Lake to Stinson Beach).

“Forging” the South Fork of the Smith with Taylor. Her first river crossing!

Posted in Musings, Post Cycling Trip/ Chemotherapy
10 Sep 2012
26 Comments

Fragile

I might seem like I can hack it, but perhaps it would be best if you resisted the urge to tell me the worst possible cancer stories you know. It may mean that I burst into tears the second I get into my car or see my children next, or maybe even that I can barely hold it together while standing there bravely conversing with you, or that it keeps me up late at night when I should be getting my precious cancer-fighting well-being sleep.  Or maybe all of the above.

I may be strong, but I appear stronger than I really am, and I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone with cancer who does not spend at least a few minutes each day hoping that the cancer does not metastasize, or worrying that his/her children will have to grow up without a parent.

Believe me, I know the realities.   There are tons of stories where the person with cancer is fine….they diligently go through their intensive treatments, they love themselves, their children, husband, and life in all of its awesomeness as much as I do, and they fight for their lives by doing every single thing they possibly can, yet they still die a few years later.  Or less.   I see stories like this online and have read them in books, and have even known a few who had very little time on the planet after being diagnosed.    It is scary business.  I try not to go here or I will fall apart.

There are also tons of survival stories.  People who have beat the odds.  These are the stories I want you to bring me, or none at all.

Also please do not approach the subject of  ”well, there is a reason for everything” or “it will turn out how it is meant to”…..I am totally cool with karma and God and the big picture, but I don’t really want to hear about it while I am fighting for life, AND I know for a fact that no children should have to grow up without one of their parents and that the best possible place and role for me is here on the planet with my children until I die of a ripe old age.  And if there is some big picture or karmic reason why I am not supposed to be here, I will fight with and curse at the gods until my last breath that it was not the right thing.  My place is here.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

(No need to comment here or on my fb about people not thinking/being cold-hearted—-that is not what I am looking for.  I really think that these people just don’t know, so I am educating).

 

 

 

Posted in Musings and tagged
06 Sep 2012
13 Comments

Stage III Breast Cancer Thriver

A few musings (could be considered rants) regarding lowering cancer risk….not very well written or edited I might add (it takes too long to edit..some entries take me three hours to write, which I do not have tonight!).  Not to scare you away, I know you are busy!  You may find some good info here.

Stage III Breast Cancer Thriver, Nicole Nada. Today.

First of all, the cancer and food thing.  One study said that the survivors were the ones that ate tomato sauce every day, but a book says, definitely don’t eat tomatoes if you have cancer.  Nothing smoked (there goes my smoked salmon!), btw some “experts” say NO (some say limited) animal protein (more studies say eat lots of protein, but don’t eat beans, but DO eat more fiber)…not much else except nuts (make sure they are not roasted–cancer causing). Definitely no dairy (except a small amount of yogurt), unless you are on the Budwig diet which says definitely cottage cheese four times per day with flax oil.  I read something somewhere that said don’t eat avocado….avocado!  What could be wrong with avocado?  A bunch of sources say avocado lowers your risk for cancer, maybe even CURES cancer, but then I find that avocado is not recommended for breast cancer.  The list goes on and on.  What you can eat to lower your risk, may not be the same as what you eat to make it go away, and what you need to eat to support your body while on chemotherapy is not necessarily what you want to eat to lower your risk…..hmmm. Some people say no carbohydrates the day before, of, and after chemotherapy–it lowers efficacy, others say high carbohydrate load the day before chemo.  I know one woman who fasts that day because she heard THAT was the secret!

So many dilemmas.  Enough to drive one crazy, but I try to just trust my gut (literally) and I eat very healthy. Basic rule….TONS of veggies, especially broccoli, cauliflower, leafy greens such as mustard, kale dandelion, leeks, onions, garlic.  Turmeric, ginger, and cinnamon are great spices which I add where I can.  I make congees in a crock pot (very cooked rice=easily assimilated and digested) with anything added.  I suppose the trick for me is that I was excited about and following the Paleo diet before my cancer diagnosis, so I still have a lot of those beliefs which eliminate grains and beans.  I have added those back in (mostly in congee form) because if I am limiting animal protein I need to get protein somewhere!  I do a bit of salmon, eggs, chicken and bone broth.  All high quality obviously…you are what you eat is very important, particularly when one has cancer!  I still juice with things like greens, apples, carrots, beets, lemon, and ginger (important to add for warming at least for my constitution).  I am not saying everyone should, but I have completely eliminated processed foods and sugar, bread, dairy, and pasta.  Maybe just limiting these for you and your family is all you need to do. My family still eats pancakes, french toast, cheese, pasta, etc. It would be nearly impossible to get my kids to eat like I do now, so I am taking small steps.  I buy them less crackers for instance and make homemade popsicles from fresh fruit, among other things.   Half to three-quarters of your plate should be vegetables (don’t forget veggies at breakfast!) and the place that remains can be your protein or carb.  Yesterday was my 42nd birthday!  My first birthday ever with no cake, but I did not mourn the loss, it was better for my whole family and we found other ways to celebrate.  The three of them actually split a piece of cheesecake at our favorite japanese restaurant in Eureka, Kyoto.

I also just brought a sprouting kit and am about to launch into that so you will hear more about sprouting in future blogs.  I met with a  nutritionist at the Marin Cancer Institute, Sharon Meyer, a few weeks back and she is a wealth of information.  Click on her name for a brief synopsis of her take on cancer and nutrition.  That woman needs to write a book!  She taught me about sprouting.  It is the absolute best form to get the nutrients from these brassica family vegetables.

From what I have learned that makes sense the goal is to reduce inflammation, and the above diet should do that.  I tell you all of this information so that YOU CAN LOWER YOUR RISK OF GETTING CANCER!!!

In addition to diet, regular exercise is key in reducing your risk (or in my case recurrence/metastasis risk).  But, apparently running is not such a grand idea for me according to my TCM (traditional chinese medicine) doctors.  From a TCM view, running is apparently draining and not replenishing, particularly in women over forty and even more particularly in someone with cancer going through chemotherapy and radiation which are really taking a toll on my organs and life force even if I don’t know it.  I was excited about the half marathon in October and the full marathon in June next year, but I am needing to hang up my running shoes and grab my bicycle shoes and hiking boots.  Things are always changing around here, but it is important for me to be in harmony with my healing process, and I am listening to people that I really trust, so that keeps me in harmony.  My medical doctor, oncologist David Gullion is in concurrence–hang up the running shoes.  I know that all you runners would love to tell me that you do get replenished from running–I know the feeling!  It is a wonderful high.  I hate that I have this new knowledge. It does, however, make sense for me right now going through such harsh treatments.  I sort of knew that intuitively, but was waiting  to see how it panned out…I had a feeling that either I would hit a wall with my energy or one of my docs would shun the idea.  Maybe next year!

Obviously having a healthy emotional life is key in reducing risk form cancer and other illness.  There is much to say here, but I am getting ready to go to sleep.  Perhaps more later on this too.  I will say that while no one knows exactly why each person develops cancer, there are some things that may point toward contributing factors.  I believe that it is definitely a combination of factors.  One thing might cause a little energy block (say an emotional situation/crisis or an environmental factor) and then things like diet or lack of exercise/movement/deep breathing/rest may take it to the next level.  Once the cancer cells form a little mass, they eventually hijack your system and get blood supply to grow…things can get really out of hand.  I do not believe we have complete control of not getting cancer, or even knowing exactly why it is caused and that is precisely why living a very healthy lifestyle is so key in reducing your risk.  Also, being very healthy going into cancer helps so if you have been taking care of your system (your body is a temple) and not trashing your liver with too much sugar or alcohol or lungs with smoke (for instance) then you will be able to heal more effectively AND it will be easier to jump into good habits.

There is so much to say about where I am at on the emotional front.  It is complex.  Sometimes it is paralyzing to even think of writing a blog entry because I have so much new information every day. In addition to the wealth of information I get from my medical doctors and TCM doctors, I have also met with energy workers and most recently a woman named Jaqueline Chan who does such interesting work I cannot even explain it (click her name for her interesting bio).  Her focus is Orthomolecular Medicine which is basically preventing and healing disease using nutrition, amino acids, etc.  but she does much more than that.  I may go into more detail in another blog entry.  Her work is truly fascinating.  I found out about her from my dentist Dr. Brian Smith who is also very cutting edge.  My first appointment with her last week she did a lot of energy work and ran blood tests and I got the results yesterday.  I have now added a bunch of homeopathics to my healing regimen as a result some of the tests she performed.  This is exciting!  I love homeopathy, and while I have been considering Iscador, a homeopathic remedy popular for cancer patients in Europe (apparently improves survivorship, and quality of life on chemotherapy and radiation–I am faring well on quality of life, but was going for survivorship–anything that will add years, right??)  Iscador has been in my thoughts and I have followed a few paths toward that route, but my very open-minded doctor wanted to see some scientific studies (makes sense) so it slowed down a bit. He was game, but did not want me to be spending the money, etc if it was something that might not really add to what I am already doing which is chinese herbs/qi gong/acupuncture which I am a huge believer in too.  So…..at any rate, some homeopathics have been added which will help clear liver, lungs, etc. from toxins resulting from chemotherapy.

OK, how was that for musings from a cancer patient?  By the way…I believe my cancer is GONE!  I am just going through the motions now to finish her off, clear out all the dead cells, and radiate the last of some weak cells left behind at the site. So I am herby officially a cancer SURVIVOR, and not only that but a THRIVER!

Lots of love, thanks for reading. Nicole

Posted in Musings, Post Cycling Trip/ Chemotherapy
28 Aug 2012
8 Comments

Still Kicking Cancer

Tomorrow morning I am flying to San Francisco and taking an Airporter to chemotherapy for the second time since being home in Arcata. I much prefer the time I rode my bike, but these are different times! I am flying with a buddy pass from a friend so it only costs me $100 round trip which is cheaper than driving.

It is great to be home!  It felt good to arrive home and be really happy about where I live, my house, my husband.  Yeah, right livelihood!  As good as it feels to be home, with school about to start up, lately my thoughts have been drifting toward the fabulous summer I had with my kids in Marin. It was so relaxing and fun, despite the weekly chemotherapy. Here are a few favorite summer photos.

G and I. Afternoon family picnic at Blackie’s Pasture, Tiburon.

Visiting friends at Shell beach on Tomales Bay

Traditional “air” ice cream from Park Side at Stinson Beach (not as good as daddy’s or Uncle Ray’s)

Surfer girl with “Velvy” (We never leave home without it).’

With Saremy at Sycamore Pool (One Mile), Bidwell Park, Chico

With their buddy, Cricket (and of course, Velvey)

Summer fun in Chico City Plaza

On the cancer front…..

Mad River Brewing Company Tasting Room raised over $300 last week with an auction for my Kicking Cancer Fund (soon to be started at Humboldt Area Foundation).  THANK YOU, MRBC, Julie, and everyone who went and supported this.  With Simply Mac’s $500+, and a good friend’s $500 (thanks JR :) ), the fund will be started with a little over $1300.  More info on how to donate to that fund once it is up and running.  The fund will be available to people in financial need and undergoing chemotherapy and radiation who wish to do yoga, qigong, acupuncture, guided imagery, therapy, or jin shin jyutsu.

I changed the title of this website (but not the url).  This is more about KICKING (or preventing) CANCER collectively than it is about me and my cancer.  So with this blog, I hope to share information toward that end.  My children are starting school next week and I will actually have a few mornings per week to devote to working at the Scoop (I am the very behind bookkeeper), getting exercise, and taking care of myself in other ways…baths, naps, qigong to be exact. I met with an organizer (Barbara Browning of Order Within) the other day to help me figure out my priorities and she got everything on paper–goals, different things that need doing–ACTION ITEMS!  As a result, I have been crossing things off the list today that will make my life smoother, more efficient, and relaxing (or at least more so).  So, maybe I will find time to blog a bit more.

I am currently doing great.  Perhaps a little fatigued.  My finger nails have seen better days, but it seems my hair may be growing back in, but I seem to be losing my eyebrows.   I have been reading  much lately about how chemotherapy and radiation are the true killers with cancer and that if I would just eat cottage cheese and flax seed oil, or drink lemon water every morning, etc. I could kick my cancer more effectively!  I must tell you that I do try these things.  I drink the lemon water, I started the cottage cheese/flax concoction three times per day and it feels great to be doing these things in addition, but I am still sticking with the western medicine on this too.  I know the drugs are brutal on the organs, but I can only hope I will endure it and be on the other side soon.  Then in 2013 I can begin to heal from the trauma of the chemotherapy and radiation.

I’ve been running quite a bit and am training for the Humboldt Redwoods half marathon on October 21st.  It is going well so far, but I will be in the middle of radiation at that point so we will see.  Today I ran three miles with my dog Honu at the Marsh. Tomorrow after chemo I hope to run with my sister at Pheonix Lake in Mount Tamalpias watershed.

Thanks for all your support!   Only six more chemotherapy infusions (herceptin and taxol) to go!!

Posted in Musings, Post Cycling Trip/ Chemotherapy and tagged , , ,
17 Aug 2012
15 Comments

My Energy

It has been a long time since I posted an update/hello.  This may be long as I have a lot to say and feel chatty.

I suppose I will start with the here and now.  I am here again in the infusion chair admiring Mount Tamalpais.  I will be here for three hours.  A massage therapist from down stairs offered me a foot massage and not really thinking I said no thanks.  Then, thinking, I called her back when I heard another not thinking person decline. “I changed my mind, ” I told her.  I should never turn down a foot massage!  It was a great way to kick off my infusion.

I am too young to have cancer.  Heck, everyone is too young to have cancer, but it makes a bit more sense if someone is much older.  Yet, there are other young people here too.  What is up with that?

I will tell you a bit about the past few days and that may give you a glimpse of how I am feeling, which is fantastic!  Lucky me.

I spent some time last week at the Bay Club Marin participating through Sunflower Wellness….which offers a program of  ”Living Through Cancer With Exercise”.  I took an awesome spin class/strength conditioning class with a woman named Amy, and another strength conditioning class with Regan Fedric who is the program director/co-founder/exercise counselor.  It was great to meet some of the participants after class, one of whom has been following my blog since the beginning which I always am flattered to hear.  There was a lot of camaraderie and fun as we did a unique/whirlwind class inspired that day by the olympics.  It felt great to get such a good work out, on an infusion day to boot!

Thursday good friends from Somes Bar , Chris and Tera and two Kids (3 and 1.5) came to town and I had so much energy I cooked up a bunch of veggies and seared tuna steaks on the grill for their arrival.  The visit Thursday through Sunday afternoon included swimming, a trip to Shell Beach on Tomales Bay where the four kids made a giant cake out of sea weed on the beach, and we hiked over the hill to the adjoining beach, ate oysters in Inverness, among a few other fun stops.

Sunday dear old (gold) friends, EB, Gray, Cassidy, and Stephanie from my days as a raft/cross-country ski guide days joined us for juicing and breakfast.  EB blew my mind by driving down from Davis (I thought she still lived in Berkeley when I invited her!).  So many memories flooding back of my early to mid-twenties.  A very magical time in my life and although it has been many years (why did it take me getting cancer to make this happen??) bonds with these people will never be broken.

Monday the kids and I took the ferry to San Francisco from Larkspur, lunched at the Ferry Building, caught a cable car, rode the muni and a bus, and walked to the  California Academy of Science and the Japanese Tea Garden.  We saw the penguins (including Pierre whom we adore–we have the book about him and his neoprene wetsuit), butterflies, and the aquarium.  The tea garden included some green tea drinking (me) and cookie eating (kids) and wandering over bridges and stone pathways.  It always feels good in there.  Then we did the same transportation back to Larkspur.  The goal of the day was something Taylor and I dreamed up….to take as many modes of transportation possible…..we walked, drove in a car, rode a ferry, a muni (that was our train), a bus, and walked.  We wanted to rent bikes in Golden Gate Park or ride the double-decker sight-seeing bus, but we ran out of day light.  The day was a blast.  Both kids loved it, but Asher missed much of the cable car and all of the muni because he fell asleep in my arms on the cable car.

Tuesday we spent the day body surfing (yes, body surfing….Taylor really took to it!) and boogy boarding at Stinson Beach, my childhood beach.  We ate dinner a the Parkside Cafe in the town of Stinson. I have many memories of  that town and beach.  More than I knew I held and they all came flooding back the moment I pulled into the parking lot.  Actually it started on the drive over Bolinas/Fairfax Road.  Like the time I had a College of Marin field trip to Point Reyes and I had the driver drop me off at the Olema Ridge trailhead and declared I was going to run back to Fairfax on the trails. I remember it so well.  Splashing water from a cow trough on my hot head, wearing my t-shirt on my head since I had no hat, some hikers loaning me a water bottle to drink from, walking up Cataract Falls, arriving in Fairfax after dark.  It was one of those things that at the time I was realizing I had planned poorly, but now looking back I am so glad I did it.   I love telling my kids those crazy stories.

Taylor and Mom pose at Stinson between sets

There are many childhood through college age memories here which is one of the reasons I love that I am healing in this place.  But, with that said, after being away from Arcata my home near Humboldt Bay and those gorgeous redwoods…..I am still missing things like my husband, garden, and dog as I have mentioned in previous posts, but a few nights back I got emotional over my dining table.  When I miss my dining table (and my family whole and around it) I suppose it is time to go home!

We leave tomorrow morning after my qigong appointment at Pine Street Clinic with Lindsey of Marin Acupuncture Clinic (Lindsey was a student of Suzanne Friedman as is my hometown qigong practitioner/healer Zena of Misty Mountain Healing Arts).  Lindsey has been great.  I have gotten so much out of our sessions and continue to be fascinated with the healing powers of qigong and the practitioners I have included on my healing team, Zena, Lindsey, Phil Madden (at Marin Cancer Institute), and Jessica Baker of Jade Dragon Medical Spa.

It has been a full week.  Which brings us to today,Wednesday.   This morning we did some back to school shopping for Taylor, stopped by the hospital for my lab work and now here I am in the chemotherapy infusion room.  Post-foot massage I am just typing away as I am sadly not in the middle of a good book.  I need a new one and the Danielle Steel (etc.) books available on the shelf in the infusion room are not looking so promising.  I just finished an excellent story, Molokai.  It is about a woman who was exiled there as a young girl (eight years old–so sad I could barely read it in the beginning!) with leprosy and is an incredible work of historical fiction.  What I loved most about the book besides just learning of that time and place in our history is the ability of the protagonist, as she ages, to embrace her life exiled with leprosy on Molokai without her family.  She really makes the most out of it by surfing, her relationships with the other girls and the sisters who care for them, among an uncle and his girlfriend, her dad who visits when he can, and others.  There is a lot I could talk about, but I will leave it at that.  I feel chatty today (the steroids?)…..At any rate, if you are looking for a good read I recommend it.

Tonight after my infusion I pick up Taylor for a date…..we are heading to the Berkeley Playhouse for their production of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  I am super excited about this as Taylor and I both love live theatre.  Signing off….time to get out of here in order to swoop by my sister’s, give Asher a big fat kiss, pick up Taylor and drive (in traffic, likely) to Berkeley for this musical performance.

Hello again.  It is now Thursday evening.  Willy Wonka was fabulous.  Taylor was a super star staying awake until the end at ten o’clock!  It was a really great production in the adorable Berkeley Playhouse.

I went on and on about all the great energy I possess.  I mostly am posting about it in order to explain my dilemma and a bit of what I understand about chinese medicine which is not a lot.  So I have all this energy and I am using it up!  Apparently my lung pulses are awesome and this is the energy I am feeding off, but when I see Lindsey she tells me my kidney pulse is weak and that I could take better care of myself by heeding this and  for instance “maybe make a two course meal, instead of five”.  It is a good reminder to CONSERVE some of my energy and do quiet things like take a luxurious long and quiet bath.  Zena often tells me this too.  It is my nature to DO an it is not such a bad thing, but I want to learn to strike a better balance and do more quiet and nurturing activities as well.  Those are the activities that are more difficult with kids, BUT I also want to model for them for their own futures, and I think I can make some more quiet time work in our daily routines. Once we are back into routines that is.  It has been a fun, pretty routine-less, summer.    Cooking, gardening, visiting with friends, going to the beach, hiking in the woods…these things all feed my soul so I justify it that way, but there must be a way to balance it all out.  Lindsey reminds me to check in with my kidneys each day and see what they want to do.  I know it may sound funny to some, but I find it wise counsel and plan to slow things down a bit.  One of the reasons it has been a busy few weeks is that the end of out month and a half vacation just snuck up on me.  We have been doing so much just hanging out and I realized we had not even had our “city day” or our Stinson days….then I had to pack it all in.  I never did my hike all day on Tam day either, but I will soon….and my kidneys will love it because I will be quiet and near water which are both good for the kidneys!

As far as my cancer goes…..a  few days back I had a sore rib cage so of course was convinced for a short while that my cancer had spread to my liver.  This is the difficult part of my cancer being Stage III.  It is so close to the very scary Stage IV.  All I can do is keep on keeping on.  My diet is the best thing I have going–lots of brassica family veggies, leeks, onions, garlic.  When I cook I really see and feel it as my medicine and is such a beautiful thing to be cooking up my colorful, and delicious medicine.  I normally do not eat after seven, but on my chemotherapy day I did not eat as I had intended because after back to school shopping I found myself at a restaurant with my kids that there was nothing on the menu I could live with (they had grilled cheese and clam chowder in a bread bowl at Boudin). So after Willy Wonka at eleven o’clock at night I whipped up a fabulous shallots, garlic, eggplant, green bean, red pepper, scrambled egg (protein important on chemo day) dish.  Topped off with hot sauce from Sol Food (my favorite Marin restaurant…Puerto Rican and all local, organic goods) and ate it at nearly midnight.  My guess is that late night healthy food is better than no food after having been pumped full of chemotherapy meds.   My diet is great, but my chemotherapy drugs are insurance as well and radiation will follow that up nicely.  I do need to get some fresh turmeric.  I love the Good Earth my store down here, but I have not found it there.   I hear they have it at Whole Foods, but I don’t like to shop at Whole Foods.  The Coop at home has it frequently. It is over by the ginger.  Grab some if you are local. It is so good for you….super cancer fighting.  And it is delicious.

In addition to chemo, my veggie/fruit/protein diet I still take my Brian La Forgia/KW Botanicals herbs, although not as often as I should…some days I just forget.  I still take my mushroom tincture from Jade Dragon, a few New Chapter immune support pills, and a great new herb concoction my sister got me in Nevada City.  All of these things seem to be helping to give me all of this incredible energy I posses!  I feel so great!!  Life is good!  May it be good and long!!  I had my doc look at my liver and the thinks it is just superficial/muscle pull or something……maybe from the body surfing???

Lastly, I got my breast prostheses.   I think the funniest thing that has happened surrounding that is Asher saying “Mommy, show them your fake boob!”  Fortunately it has only been to close relatives so far.  He had us all laughing pretty good.  My kids call it my fake boob, but for some reason when I am looking for it I call it my $300 boob (even though hopefully insurance is paying for it).  (Writing this, I am realizing what a silly word boob is.  I wonder where it came from?)  So, now when I want to use it I just slide it into a pocket in my new mastectomy bras.  The best part of this whole deal?  That I get up to four bras per year paid for by my insurance company.  Can you believe it?  (Always looking for the silver lining).  Although this will likely be the only year I will ever meet my crazy deductible.

If you are in Marin and want one, A Lady’s Touch is the place.  It is on D Street in San Rafael by appointment.  A super nice lady owns the shop and she happens to have a daughter living in Arcata that supports the Arcata Scoop.  It is nice to support a family that supports my family so I happily pay for my $300 fake boob (if insurance does not, TBD).

I want to mention my Pedaling Each Day venture…I could not pull it off in Marin.  In the beginning I had no trailer, no night lights, no time or ability really with the kids.  I kept thinking it would work it’s way back into my life, but even after getting the trailer down here it never did.  It may resume once I am back in Arcata.  Part of what struck me was the fact that I want to do more and I want to do different.  I want to go for a few long rides per week rather than at least one mile per day every single day.  Some days I want my free time for a hike, to walk the dogs I am sitting for, to attend a yoga class.  So things have shifted and I am good with that as long as I am getting exercise. I will continue to follow my heart and do what feels right on this journey.  I have a few people donating their miles to me which I think is really cool.  And I have been on a few long rides that have likely made up the mile per day this past month and a half too.

Heading to Chico to visit friends tomorrow after qigong.  Then home to Arcata on Sunday!  Looking forward to traveling the winding Trinity River home to Arcata.  I have missed home!

Many blessings to all of you reading this.  Thanks for following my story and for all of the support.

A new article written by Renee Goddard just came out in the Marin County Bicycle Coalition’s summer edition of their e newsletter Pedal Press.  Click here to check it out.   Under Table of Contents….Nicole Nada’s Journey.  There are a lot of other interesting articles in the newsletter too. By the way, the author of this piece, along with my twin sister, met me about half way down my final descent, White’s Hill into Fairfax with a giant hand painted cardboard sign that said “You are Our Hero”.  I have it hanging in my bedroom it meant so much to me.

Posted in Musings, Post Cycling Trip/ Chemotherapy and tagged , , , , , , ,
03 Jul 2012
10 Comments

Live From the Couch….Post Chemo #4

Instead of typing I figured I’d just chill on the couch and talk…..if you are so inclined to listen, here is a video.  It somehow got to be 10 minutes?  What in the world was I talking about?  I did it right after chemo so I am afraid I was a little spacey (crazy drugs!) and chatty…(maybe the steroids)?

At one point I talk about benefits of Qigong and Jin Shin Jyutsu and I refer to all of my internal organs that have been worked on…I say liver twice, but I wanted to include heart.  For some reason the chemotherapy medicine produces a lot of  heat in my heart.  So….it needs to be removed somehow….I choose the route of Chinese Medicine!  I also say in the video that everyone should do it!  I think I go so far as to say it should be a law!!  What nerve!  Of course, I know everyone has their own style and it is not for all, so I am not sure why I said that.  To each their own!!  I do not intend to sound self righteous or that I have the best and only solutions!

I am, however, starting a  fund at Humboldt Area Foundation (HAF) that will provide scholarships for women and men with breast cancer undergoing chemo and radiation to partake in several modalities…yoga, qigong, acupuncture, therapy…more info on that coming soon.  The $577 dollars raised by the Simply Mac ipad Touch Raffle (did you know it was their employee Beth that set that up???) is the start up money.  I will kick into gear with more fundraising here soon.  The winner was Tony Luchessi.  Know him?  He now has an ipad Touch.  Thanks everyone for the donations through the raffle!   Thanks also to generous donations from two local companies, Chicken Boots (amazing knitting accessories among other notions) and Macs in the Mist (Mac repair and service).

OK, with that said….here is that video.

And here is my cartoon panel….rated PG.  And not really funny (well, maybe the drawings are….)

And here is my altar.  I decided it needs to be in the kitchen instead of a secluded nook in my bedroom. The Kitchen is where I spend much of my time.

Today’s cancer healing plan…..I’m off to acupuncture with Phil and my last neulasta shot (white blood cell booster)  at Marin Cancer Institute.

Today’s rest of life plan…..playing with my kids, maybe hangin’ with my sis, niece and nephew, and a short ride for Pedaling Each Day….I need a trailer and a tag along bike while I’m in Marin.  Anyone in Marin know where I can find one used?  I will check Craig’s List.

XO

Posted in Fundraising, Musings, Post Cycling Trip/ Chemotherapy and tagged , , , , ,
02 Jul 2012
9 Comments

So Ends a Fabulous Week

I am due for chemotherapy tomorrow morning at nine o’clock so figured I’d get a post in while I am feeling chipper!

This past week has been fantastic.  The “up” week or “off” week, as I have come to call it.  I have been receiving chemotherapy infusions of adriamycin and cytoxin every other Monday since May 21st.   Tomorrow will be my fourth and final infusion of that particular “cocktail”(then twelve of taxol/herceptin, weekly starting on July 16).   The week where I do not recieve an infusion I have felt completely fine.  Cancer, what cancer?  The week “on”  is another story….a bit of nausea, a bit of fatigue, and just not feeling myself.  Not too bad, but bad enough.

A lot of people have been asking…did Taylor get to celebrate her sixth birthday party?  Yes, she did!  We were all feeling well enough just in the nick of time.  Phew.  Special thanks to my friend Carla who helped by picking up the balloons, hand rolling sushi, and washing lots of dishes so we  could come home to a clean house.    The party was fun and manageable.  Small.  The first year where we did not invite the world, but instead let Taylor pick a handful of friends.  We roller skated to a mix that Taylor and her daddy made.  Special songs from over the years.  Everything went smooth until right after the birthday song when I could not find the cupcakes, the knife, the ice cream scooper or Garrett (he had gone to retrieve the cupcakes from the car!) The kids want their cake after the birthday song…..it is just the way it is.  Everything was found, cake devoured, and peace and order resumed.  Also special thanks to all the thoughtful and efficient parents who helped clean up–the roller skating rink gives you about twenty minutes to clean the party room and get out of there – no small feat.  It definitely takes community.

Birthday Girl

Presents!

Pedaling Each Day the past week and a half was mostly uneventful.  Mostly early evening rides.  The days I am a bit off I like to ride solo to not have the extra weight.  The week I felt good I mostly took a kid or two.  Two of the evenings Taylor scootered along on her brand new birthday scooter while Asher rode in the trailer!  Those nights were extra special, as I am so proud of my big girl. One funny night I turned around and saw that Asher fell asleep in the trailer. I was so happy because he had been a tired boy.  But, ten minutes later I hear, “Hey mommy!  I am in water!”  He had fallen asleep with his open water bottle that poured a swimming pool into his seat.  We rode home with a completely naked Asher sitting on top of a big fleece blankie, as his pants and undies, shirt and slippers had become soaked.  And now, of course, he was wide awake.

On our way south to Marin Friday and on Taylor’s actual birthday, we hit the Kate Wolf Music Festival.  Garrett and his brother, Eric (flew up from Laguna) joined us for Friday night camping and Saturday, and my sister, Melinda and my niece Samantha joined us for Saturday music and fun.  The festival is a tribute to Kate Wolf and is intimate as far as festivals go…..about 4000 people in an oak woodland setting of Laytonville. CA.  I absolutely fell in love with the style, stories, and music of  Rita Hosking while sitting on a hay bale under the oaks with my kids late afternoon Friday.  Other favorites included Tim and Nicki Bluhm and Blushin Roulettes.  The line up was great, but with small kids at the festival I did not get to catch everything.  We spent some time in the family camp, kids play zone, doing crafts, and down at the river a bit.

Some of the “rules” for chemotherapy…..stay away from sick people and don’t hang out with large crowds.  Some may frown about my festival going, but the open air festival atmosphere makes it easy to take precautions.  A lot of hand washing and keeping to myself.  No partying of course, just drinking a lot of water, lazing about in the shade in my festival chair and groovin’ to the tunes.  I had a lot of help with the kids so didn’t wipe myself out.  It was great to see so many friends and Arcatans who were happy to see me out and about, feeling healthy and enjoying the good vibes.

With cousin Samantha enjoying the festival

Sisters

Brothers

Too much hoopin’

Most importantly it feeds the soul just like my daily bicycle riding!  I think soul feeding is another chemotherapy rule, and if it is not, then it should be.

Now we are in Marin at our fabulous house sitting situation.  Highlight of the day?  ”Rafting” in the swimming pool, riding bikes and scooters around the patio, and playing with other kids’ super fun bath toys.

First dinner in our ‘home away from home’

Signing off before chemo number four…..I’ll post when I am up for it!  Thanks for reading, and all your love and support.

Posted in Musings, Pedaling Each Day, Post Cycling Trip/ Chemotherapy

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